By Lisa 
Can’t sleep because of the never ending story of betrayal running around your head? Especially since the person who wronged you doesn’t even admit guilt, much less give an apology? The most you have gotten was a “sorry you feel that way” or worse, “you are just overreacting”. AAARRRGGGGHHH!
Before you start watching binge watching CSI Miami reruns and plotting revenge, consider why it is better to learn to forgive that person. Yes forgive. You really do not want to be tomorrow’s headline above the fold. Yo’ Mama reads that paper!
Why forgive?
Your health: You already are losing sleep over what someone else did to you. You can ‘what if’ yourself to death but you absolutely can’t control what someone else did, even if it was pretty lousy and even if they are not sorry. Don’t let them continue to hurt you.
Your time: We all have just 24 hours in a day. How much more time do you want to waste thinking and rethinking about this incident? No. More. Your life and your time are valuable. Take your life back.
How to forgive:
ONE: Get clear on what was done and what is needed:
Give yourself a set amount of time like 15-30 minutes to do some high intensity cardio, scream and cuss into a pillow or punch the couch. You will be able to think much more clearly if you get the emotional stuff out of the way.
Write out exactly what the person did and how it hurt you. Make it a letter to the person or just a bullet point list or whatever works best for you. You can also just talk it out instead, but if you are saying this to a buddy make it completely one sided–not a conversation. Don’t overthink, just get it out and make it clear.
Write down exactly what the person who wronged you should/could do to make this right such as an apology, restitution, admitting the truth to others, etc. Think of exactly what would allow you to let go of your hurt feelings and move forward with your life, even if the person will never do any of the things you wrote down.
TWO: Deal with the person who wronged you.
A face to face meeting with no other people around is very important. If you absolutely have to email, word your message very carefully because your words probably will be forwarded. Either way, make sure you take emotion out, and just state facts. This isn’t about an emotional dump, it is about getting truth out and moving on.
Tell the person exactly what they did wrong and how it hurt you, then stop talking and wait for an apology. Accept their apology if offered. If they do not apologize and offer excuses, simply state again what they did wrong and how it hurt you. Don’t get into a ‘he said she said’ argument. Make this factual and quick.
Apology or no, tell the person what they need to do to make the situation right. It is completely up to the person to accept your terms or not. If they choose not to, you have every right to do whatever it is you need to (calmly) clear your name, undo a lie, etc.
THREE: Let it go.
Choose to forgive the person. Note I did NOT say ‘forget’. There are always consequences to actions, and this isn’t about letting allowing their Nike prints all over your backside. This is about taking the focus off the person that wronged you and getting your power back. Take the emotion out and make the choice to let go of your need for an apology, etc. This is about you, not about if they deserve forgiveness or not.
It is OK to have consequences. Maybe that person will not be someone you choose to be buddies with anymore. Maybe you will stay arms length away from that co-worker. Maybe you need to step away from an emotional tie. It’s OK. You only have those 24 hours in a day, remember?
It’s YOUR life. Take back the power and move on.