By Lisa 
“Jason, tell your brother you are sorry for breaking his new Iphone!”
“I’m sssooooorrrryyyy!” Jason yells over his shoulder, laughing.
That apology was about as sincere as a politician on election day. It’s rough being the person wronged, but what about Jason? That is, what about if he was truly remorseful (ha!) and could not understand why his brother didn’t accept his sincere apology?
Ever been Jason?
You know you screwed up. You passed along some gossip about someone not knowing they were standing right behind you. You embellished a story, you made a mathematical error at work, you falsely accused someone who was totally innocent. You feel like the biggest piece of cow patty in the world and would love to find a bigger rock to crawl under for the next decade.
And “I’m sorry” doesn’t seem like enough. How can you apologize in a way so the person wronged will accept your apology and you can both move on?
ONE: APOLOGIZE SINCERELY: Be completely focused and serious. Look them in the eye. No laughing it off or giving any kind of excuse. Say the following:
I’m so sorry. I was such a jerk to say that (or I made a mistake/error). I hate that I made you feel bad (or made the report incorrect, etc.). I know that must have been very embarrassing for you (or could have caused a problem with the report).
Realize that the person wronged may need to chew you out for a while. Just stand there, keep looking them in the eye, nod your head appropriately and take it. Do NOT talk back, or make any excuse for your behavior. Just let them vent. When the venting is over, move to the next step.
TWO: OFFER REPARATIONS: Give one or two solutions to repair any damage or fix the mistake and be sure to get the person’s buy in. Make the repairs happen immediately if possible. Such as:
If OK with you, I want to make this right. Is it OK if I go back to the person I told that to and tell them I was wrong to say that and it isn’t true (or correct the report and resubmit it, etc.)? If that is OK, I’ll do that today (right now).
THREE: MAKE A COMMITMENT NOT TO DO THIS AGAIN: Realize the person wronged may not trust you for a while and may act a little cold to you or check your work more often. That’s OK and expected. They have a right to their feelings. But you can minimize how long that happens by making a commitment to change your behavior in the future.
From now on, it is my goal to never say hurtful things about people or pass along information without checking with the person, (or always take more time to check my reports for accuracy before sending).
FOUR: CONFIRM ACCEPTANCE: Make sure the person heard what you said, agrees with your reparations and accepts your apology.
I hope you will accept my sincere apology. Are we OK?
With these four steps completed, you have adulted quite well despite your momentary lapse in judgement.
So–forgive yourself. We all, at least those of us who are human, mess up royally sometimes. That includes Jason’s brother, who probably whacked him in the head with his broken Iphone later that day.
Apology over. You are free to go and do better!