By Lisa 
It’s a club no one wants to be in. Ask anyone and they will all tell you they have someone they know and love that is going down the very dark path of addiction. It’s heartbreaking, frustrating, and confusing.
You want to fix it. You think maybe, just maybe if you love them enough, or talk to them enough or give them enough inspirational material to read, they will wake up and become the person they should be.
Every negative emotion comes out from anger, sadness, shame, hopelessness. You drown in blame and ‘what if’s’. You feel like you are the crazy one sometimes.
What can you possibly do to help the addicted person?
Nothing. The truth is they have to make that decision on their own. Until they do, your words will not get through. Its like trying to reason with a hysterical two year old. Useless.
But what is the one thing you can do?
GET HELP FOR YOURSELF
Simply continue to love the person but do not drink from their cup. When they are ready for change, you can (cautiously) offer support but in the meantime you have to get yourself healthy first.
Loving an addict becomes a sickness in you too. The world seems upside down and your emotions get completely sideways from all the years of drama and confusion. Where to go?
Get plugged in spiritually at the church of your choice. Look online at church websites in your area, find one that feels right and go. You can choose to just attend services but to really get connected, join a Bible study. Usually there will be several: female only, males only, seeker classes (for people new to Christianity), young married couples, divorced singles, senior citizen, etc. Most larger churches have a reception desk up front so stop by and ask questions. In a smaller church there will be staff members usually in the front door area of the church to help you. Don’t think everyone there is a perfect little Christian (aka ‘good’) and you definitely are not. A church is a hospital for sinners not a haven for saints, even if some folks appear to have cornered the market on halos. Everyone has problems.
Find a professional licensed counselor. If you are employed, ask your Human Resources people if you have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) as part of your benefit plan. If so, you can meet with professional licensed counselors for free, either by phone or face to face. You will usually be limited to three sessions per issue, but they can refer you to other counseling or group programs if needed. If you do not have access to an EAP but have health insurance, call the member services phone number on your insurance card and ask about “in-network” counselors and what your out of pocket cost would be. Also ask your church about recommendations on counselors–some larger churches will provide these types of service at no or low cost to anyone, not just members.
Attend Al-Anon meetings regularly. There are usually several in any given area that meet a couple of times a week, usually at a church or local community center. Check out: http://http://www.al-anon.org/find-a-meeting
Doing any or all of the above will help you not feel so alone, learn about boundaries and find new meaning and purpose for your own life besides worrying about your addict.
It’s OK for you to focus on YOU. Your life matters too.