By Dixie I can guarantee you this. There will be arguments all across the US of A with relatives this holiday season. The odds are 100 to 1. Even a Las Vegas bookie would not touch a bet like that with a ten foot pole.
The problem is that our expectations of holidays are Hallmark channel perfect: kissy kissy huggy huggy with everyone, fabulous gifts that are perfectly chosen and always appreciated, beautiful respectful children who say sweet and funny things, and a gorgeous smiling family sitting down to a beautiful meal.
Get the selfie stick!!!!
However, reality, being the biter it is, shows that most family holiday feasts are not a bit Norman Rockwell-ish. Most family holidays are more like the Griswold family Christmas, complete with Uncle Eddie and family and the occasional squirrel in the Christmas tree. (And good gosh, if you don’t know what I am talking about, go Netflix or Redbox ‘Christmas Vacation’! Or turn on any channel any time of day or night during the month of December and you will find it playing somewhere. I promise. Try me.)
But not to be dismayed, my little snowflake. There are glimpses of this unobtainable Hallmark Christmas. Definitely. And that’s what we want to hold onto.
But how do you do it when you KNOW there is that one (or two…or five) relatives who seem to save all their stupid talking points about religion and politics for this time of the year just for YOU? And these screw turners looooovvvveee to twist your buttons over and over and over trying to get a response–as sure as a shark swims through the chum under the fishing pier in July.
But it’s Christmas, the season of mistletoe and holly, right? What’s a Hallmark Christmas-seeking person to do?
- Know before you go. Anticipate what the screw turner in the family will likely say to get to you. Ask yourself these questions:
Is there any ‘intent to resolve’ in any discussion? That is, will either of your viewpoints shift simply because of what the other person says? Will you change their viewpoint? Will they change yours?
Does it really matter if someone who clearly does not share your viewpoint hears what your viewpoint is? If not, what is the point of getting into a heated argument?
2. Decide how you are going to respond. Is any topic the ‘hill you want to die on’? Words matter and something you say now in response may feel good in the moment, but can destroy a relationship for years. I knew of a grown brother and sister who got in an argument over who got the most turkey skin one year and they did not SPEAK to each other for 20 years! Cray Cray.
Some advice:
Don’t play that game. Just because someone is saying something that is contrary to your beliefs or opinion does not mean you have to respond with a counter argument. There is something very strong and satisfying about not responding. You will be surprised.
Here are the magic words that will get you out of a never ending argument and onto enjoying your turkey leg: “Uncle Eddie, I’d rather have you as a friend and uncle than argue. We are just going to have to agree to disagree.”
It will work every time. Guaranteed to help you survive arguments with relatives.
Have a Happy Hallmark Holiday!