By Dixie I’m one of those folks who wave at people. I get back a lot of tilted heads and blank looks. Some ignore me entirely or walk past a little quicker. Toddlers tend to enthusiastically wave back before their parent drags them away from the crazy lady.
Waving to people is something my little Mama drilled into my head as something polite people do. It’s now a muscle memory. When my hands are unavailable, I am compelled to nod my head at the very least.
When driving, a single finger extended over the steering wheel (not the middle one, usually) means “Hello Fellow Human”. Four fingers extended means “Hey Person I know”. Five fingers waving means “Hey Friend, How’s your Mama and Daddy?”
Most people don’t wave at or talk to people they don’t know. Part of it is Stranger Danger because people seem to be scarier now, another is the constant technology in our faces that makes conversations with real people an unwanted distraction and another part is that the Covid lockdown taught us to keep 6 feet away from anyone in order to stay alive.
What is really scary is a society where other humans are becoming a threat at worst and unnecessary at best.
When I was little, we had one TV in the living room. The family watched Sanford and Son, Lawrence Welk, Hee Haw and The Carol Burnett Show together, week after week. Our bedrooms were for playing with toys and sleeping.
Pop and Mama bought our 1,200 square foot childhood home in 1963 the year after I was born. My brother and I did our homework at the dining room table all through grammar school, high school and college, to the sound of the TV and the smell of chicken frying in the kitchen.
One winter, there was a huge snowstorm that blew out the electricity all over town. Pop tacked thick Army blankets over the doorways in our tiny, paneled den and all four of us slept there for several days. I could see my breath and we wore every coat we could find, but what I most remember was laughter, candles and eating cold sandwiches. It is one of my favorite memories.
There wasn’t a lot of privacy in our small home. We did have doors on our bedrooms and bathrooms but none in the den where we spent so much time. I would hide right outside the doorway, sitting on a hassock behind a tiny bit of wall, reading Little House on the Prairie books after Mama had told me to go to bed. I don’t think she missed catching me even once.
When I was around 11, I had three walls of my bedroom covered with Donny Osmond’s pictures torn from Tiger Beat magazine. My poor Grandfather came to visit one time and stayed in my bedroom (I stayed in my brother’s room). Grandpa said he couldn’t sleep with all those eyes looking at him all night!
A couple of years later, I replaced Donny with one (tasteful) poster on the back of my bedroom door of Jim Palmer, in his Jockey underwear glory. My brother had Farah Fawcett’s red swimsuit poster on the back of his door. I’m sure my parents rolled their eyes and prayed a whole lot during our teen years.
I felt safe, loved and seen in that little home.
I worry about families now. Everyone has their own TV, a tablet and a smartphone, all in their bedrooms. People are busy, so busy with work, studying, sports, and social media. It is rare that family members eat the same food much less eat it together.
People text each other from their bedrooms.
No wonder so many people say they are lonely.
There was a song sung by Barbara Streisand in the movie “Funny Girl”.
“People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world
We’re children, needing other children
And yet letting a grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside
Acting more like children than children”
(Lyrics by Bob Merrill, 1964)
I would rewrite the first two lines as
“People who realize they need people
Are the luckiest people in the world”.
People are meant to be around other people, face to face, and have real conversations. We are meant to do life together. Instead, we hide behind our social media likes and dislikes, fighting unseen keyboard warriors and sending Happy Birthday posts to people we haven’t ever met.
Technology is good but it is just a tool. Social media friends don’t equal real relationships. A few may evolve into deeper friendships, yes, but the majority will remain social media acquaintances.
There is no substitute for real, genuine relationships.
I have been married for almost two years now. Mark and I were 60 when we met and married. I had never been married, but have been completely surprised (happily, ridiculously and miraculously so) at the whole marriage experience. Life. Is. Good.
I thought being alone and single was all life had for me. And I was OK. I was content, mostly.
But I still had those Sunday nights where I felt so alone. I did laundry alone, I ate alone, I had no one to watch TV with, so I seldom turned it on. Sunday nights were so lonely.
But I kept remembering how my parents were together. They weren’t lovey dovey in front of us, but they were usually together like salt and pepper shakers. There was a chemistry about them that made them seem like one person. I didn’t understand that and honestly didn’t believe it was real. But if it was, I wanted to experience it.
At age 60, I asked God to grant me this if it was real, and in his infinite mercy and forgiveness of all my many mistakes, He answered “Yes”.
Mark and I thank God every day for putting us together.
The Bible says:
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
I had experienced the “one” part for 60 years and made a heck of a lot of mistakes being the sole decision maker. I do not recommend, at least for me.
The past two years I have had the “two” part with Mark as my other half. It is beyond wonderful to have someone to confide in, make decisions with and learn from. I highly recommend it.
I’ve also experienced the “three” part which is the most surprising and miraculous of all.
It’s God. Marriage is a covenant between man and woman, yes, but also with God. I had no idea.
It is the deepest, richest experience.
Mark and I rely on each other and Him most of all.
I overwhelmingly recommend a marriage with God at the center.
With God, we are always safe, loved and seen.
And BTW, if you do see me waving, send me a wave back, will ya?