By Lisa 
Puppies and kittens are cute but you gotta take the good with the bad. They pee, puke and piddle. They usually do any of the three “P’s” at around 3AM (you will learn to jump out of bed quickly), or right when you are about to leave (and are late) for an appointment, or just before the doorbell rings. Like most things in life, you take the good with the bad and do your best to make some lemonade. Sometimes with vodka added. It helps.
Dogs get diarrhea from the various and sundry things they dig up and consume out in the backyard, despite the bazillion dollar grain and gluten free food we buy that costs more than a nice steak dinner for two. Canned pumpkin (not pie filling) will be your friend. Works wonders and will save your sanity and nose hairs. If they refuse to eat a spoonful or two, you can bake it into a treat. You will thank me later and want to remember me in your Will.
1/3rd cup pumpkin
1/4th cup peanut butter (no artificial sweeteners)
1 cup oats or flour
a little water or 1 egg
Roll teaspoons of the mixture between your hands into balls, flatten with your thumb and put on cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.
Puppies, like human toddlers, will destroy a little of your house and anything inside. They don’t know that they are not supposed to chew the stairs, table legs or drywall. Maybe they are teething (think about a drooling toddler biting every hand in sight from discomfort), maybe they are anxious or bored. Wood filler paste, various sandpaper blocks, paint and Grannick’s Bitter Apple spray will become your best buddy. I have all on auto order.
They will also chew shoes and/or anything else on the floor or within reach. The good news is you and any family members will quickly learn that throwing anything of value on the floor will render that thing of no value. So, your house will be tidier. In the words of the immortal Carl Spackler from Caddyshack, “I (you) got that going for me which is nice.”
When you are home trying to get laundry done, your dogs and cats will continuously follow you from room to room and trip you up even if you scream “what do you WANT??” at them. (Hint: they want treats, pettings, or walksies. Duh)
Dogs do not understand yoga. They think any resting pose means “please lick my face and bite my feet” and when you raise your arms in stretchy positions, it means you are throwing them a treat somewhere. Bending over means…well, you know and it involves their pointy nose. Eventually they will all lay on your mat and fall asleep.
Cats do not understand personal space or keyboard etiquette regarding computers. They take special pleasure in putting rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’s in your emails, and stepping on either the Delete or Off button while you go to the bathroom. On your return, they will delight you with a close up hiney view. Over and over and over.
Cats and dogs let you know if they are mad at you. They do this when you leave the house and in a place you are likely not to find until nighttime, usually in the middle of the night. Hint: You will find these ‘presents’ with your foot.
Good times. But I love ’em anyway. The animals not the presents.