By Dixie 
Just like, well, clockwork, your eyes pop open at 3AM and your brain starts replaying every mistake, cuss word and unkind deed you have ever done since you pushed that kid off the slide in third grade. He broke his arm, you can still remember your parent’s expressions when they were called to the school and there was no TV or fun of any kind for almost two weeks.
You felt bad. You even apologized, although at the time you were mostly sorry for getting caught. But you did apologize, and he even let you sign his cast later.
Why does this memory come up almost every night, along with anything and everything else bad or wrong?? It is an endless loop that plays nightly in your head and you can’t shake the feelings of shame and regret. You know it is stupid to keep chewing on these regrets, and many if not all of them were resolved long ago but they keep coming back. How can you get off of this loop de loop??
Write down these three steps and put them by your bed, on your bathroom mirror or refrigerator–anywhere you are likely to see them during your nightly beat down session.
- Forgive yourself.
- Move on.
- Be better.
Those three simple phrases will remind you that you are a human who makes mistakes and you can move forward and learn from your mistakes. See them written out and repeat them each time you start the loop of rehashing every wrong move in your life.
Forgive yourself. Often it is easier to forgive someone else rather than just forgive yourself. Somehow we think we should know more than other people, behave better and be smarter. This is a little arrogant if you really consider that we are all just made of a little dirt and lot of water (although fearfully and wonderfully, obviously!). Remind yourself of that when you screw up, which EVERYBODY does.
Move on. You are still alive so therefore you have life ahead. Wallowing in regret only takes that remaining life and squanders it. Choose to make the best of your life. If possible, make your apologies and/or restitution to anyone you have wronged. If they are not around anymore, write a letter that you will never send, then tear it up. It is over.
Be better. Notice I did not say ‘perfect’. That is just not happening (see #1 above). But you can learn from your mistakes, and become a more compassionate and forgiving person who lives their life in a purposeful way. It is not about becoming a doormat either but recognizing that we are all just human, full of faults and pride, with a little goodness and brain potential sprinkled in. Focus on the good part, not the bad. Just like a little kid when they are starting to learn how to ride a bike, they will ride towards whatever (and painfully whoever) they are looking towards. Steer your thoughts towards positive changes.
Whenever you feel regret or shame or both, remind yourself of these. Repeat them out loud if you need to and keep a copy on your dashboard, refrigerator or wallet. Don’t allow even a single thought to take hold before you cut it off by forgiving yourself and resolving to move forward and learn from mistakes. Like Barney Fife says, “Nip it in the bud.”
And if you are really truthful, that guy on the slide WAS hogging it. He probably deserved that broken arm. And you may have kept him from burning his hiney on those sizzling steel slides!