By Lisa 
“How are you doing?”
Have you ever answered that question with a five or ten minute of tale of woe and realized the person who asked is looking over your head desperately trying to find an escape route? There are people who truly mean “How are YOU?” (your Mama) but most folks are not expecting or wanting a soliloquy on how bad your life is. It is really sad when you hear more than once “Wow, I thought MY life was bad”.
Stuff happens. Life happens. We all have low moments in life. There are temporary ones, like Sunday night being a given on bad feelings for most folks. What about those times that last for days, weeks or months where it seems like there is a pitch black cloud following you everywhere?
We all have those, especially as we get older. Friends move away, job layoffs happen, kids make bad choices with even worse consequences, people get old and sick. Pets die. People die. Hurricanes, tornados, wars and rumors of wars, etc. etc. etc. all happen in life. It is inevitable that the longer you live, the more “stuff” happens to you, both good and bad. Unfortunately, we humans tend to focus on the bad–maybe it’s a survival mechanism left over from days when we were more prey than predator and had to be ready to run from saber toothed tigers and hungry alligators.
Not many of us have to fight off animals very often anymore, but our head movies play on and on about whatever calamity has happened along with the absolute worst that might happen. When bad stuff is going on, how can you get back to the good?
Here’s a secret: although it doesn’t seem like you have any control, you actually do. You can control what you choose to think about. You cannot change what has happened but you can change your response. You can choose not to dwell on everything that is wrong and what could go wrong. But how?
- Look at your situation realistically. Not everything about your life is bad. Life has good moments and bad. Life most folks, you have been laser focused on what has gone wrong. Bad things happened and you felt out of control, scared and blindsided. Acknowledge that it hurt and it is OK for you to feel hurt but you don’t have to dwell on the hurt. Run through all the ‘worst case scenarios’ and realistically think about the probability of any happening. Most ‘worst case scenarios’ don’t come true and whatever does happen, you can and will handle it. Is there anything you can do right now to lessen the chances? If so, take action and get it done. Think back on times you made it through situations that seemed impossible. You will do it again this time. Take control back.
- Choose to focus on good not bad. When a negative thought (usually based on fear BTW) comes up, consciously choose to change that thought from negative to positive. Make a list of all the good things in your life–it could be as simple as a hot shower, a good cup of coffee or a blue sky. Change negative thoughts into a focus on gratitude. When your mind wanders back to worry and negative thoughts, go back to your list and focus your attention there. Keep at it and don’t give in to the negative thoughts.
- Take a break from news and social media. Start with just a few hours in the morning and increase it to all day, then two days, then a week. There is literally nothing to be gained by constantly reading negative news (mostly opinions these days) and the endless cat videos and frog memes can wait too. If you need help cutting out these habits, utilize apps like Offtime, Moment, Flipd, Space or Freedom. Any of these are designed to limit your social media time.
- Take a walk outside. Take deep healing breaths. Turn off your phone and look at nature. Notice the birds, the sky, the trees. Make it a practice every day to get outside for at least 15 minutes.
Give yourself the gift of enjoying the good.