By Dixie No matter how independent you may be, there comes a point where you would really, really like to have someone to share your life with. Someone more than a friend. Somebody more than yo’ Mama and Dada.
You may not be at the stage where you even want to look for love long term yet. But there will come a time, at least for most people, where they would like to fall in love with someone who ‘gets them’. Someone to have fun with, help through the bad spots in life, create a family with, grow old with, etc.
However, being intentional about this very, very important area of your life is critical for your future happiness. Aside from the cheeseball paperback books in the grocery store (the ones with the long haired man kissing a large chested woman with a horse in the background) the love of your life will actually NOT show up on your doorstep.
Well, the UPS man might show up but he may or may not be the best choice for you. And he may be married already. And he tends to run away too fast to get to know anyway. Fuget about it.
It is romantic to think there is “The One” out there. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. But your odds of finding Mr. (or Ms.) Right certainly increase if you know what you are looking for…
There are a LOT of Mr. Right Nows. Remember most everybody out in our big shiny world is looking for the love of their life, or (for a lot of folks) the love of the moment. Your goal should be to minimize the Mr. Right Nows as much as possible.
Yes you will likely go down some wrong paths in your search, so let’s see if we can’t minimize those wrong turns by being intentional about who you wind up with.
Your goal with each or these “frogs” is:
- Uncover what you like and dislike in a mate
- Learn from your experiences without too much damage emotionally or physically
- Don’t waste (too much) time and possibly miss your Mr. Right.
So how do you figure out who is your Mr. Right?
- Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Draw a vertical line right down the center of the page.
- Write “Must Haves” or the top of one side and “Deal Breaker” on the other side.
- Start a list of all the things you “must have” in a mate, and a list of the “deal breakers” on the other. Don’t think, just write everything that comes to mind. Be completely selfish, this is not for anyone’s eyes but your own. It may look something like this:
| MUST HAVE | DEAL BREAKER |
| Good job | Smoker |
| Funny | Hates cats |
| Ambitious | No job |
| Physically fit | Couch potato |
| Loves outdoors | Lazy |
And now that you know what (who) you are looking for, how do you find him/her?
4. Look at your “Must Haves”. Where do people with those characteristics usually hang out?
For example: ambitious people with good jobs may have joined a networking business club. Google something like Young Professionals in Business for your city. Join a local civic organization. Attend a Chamber of Commerce after hours function. To find people who are physically fit: join a gym, local running club or singles sports club (many cities have flag football for singles).
You get the idea.
And lastly don’t get discouraged! Mr. or Ms. Right is out there. And they are looking YOU too!